Saturday, August 28, 2010

Jack and Jill

At 2:30 in the afternoon I got a phone call.  It was Jill, my 15 year old neighbor.   She apologized for waking me, and then clumsily explained the reason she called.  It seemed that Jill had a couple girlfriends over, and  she figured I could provide them with some spirituous beverages.  This is the point where a responsible adult would have declined her request, and issued a stern lecture.  But, since I didn't  see anyone else around, I agreed, and hung-up before she could smother me with appreciation.   I'd bought alcohol for Jill several times before with no moral qualms, but this time I felt rather hesitant.  I was starting to get the distinct impression she was using me simply to fulfill her lust for inebriation.  Scratch that.  I knew she was using me, but I was starting to realize I didn't like it.

Jill wanted a bottle of Jack Daniel's.  What kind of girl drinks Jack Daniel's?  Girls never drink Jack Daniel's. Especially not 15 year old vegan girls that wear sandals a lot, and talk about Whale Wars.  Girls like that don't drink whiskey, men do.  Jill was only 15, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt and assumed she'd only been sexually active for about 8 years.  Still, I had a sneaking suspicion she was lying to me about the kind of company she was currently keeping.   I changed my mind, I wasn't bringing her any booze this time.

I sent her a txt on my phone.  It read: "hey..  I'll get u sum JD but we gotta drink it togethr  ; )"  The winky face was key.  Thoughts of me in a dirty bathrobe taking advantage of her fragile naked body probably raced through her head.  In her mind, the cool older guy next door was instantly replaced by a beer swilling rapist from the backwoods.  Totally freaked her out.  I probably won't hear from her for  a while.  Mission accomplished.  As I write this, I raise a newly poured glass of Jack Daniel's high into the air.  Cheers.  

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